Nothing Changes, if Nothing Changes
Somewhere, somehow, I got lost. I don’t know if I lost my ambition, lost my desire, or just plain lost myself. I went from having an ambitious, “I-can-do-anything” mindset all of my life to an anxiety-ridden “scared-to-try-anything” attitude. The pressures that once propelled me forward now cripple me. And I’m on a mission to get my confidence back. I’m mustering up every last ounce of determination left in my heart to move forward and believe once again that I can move mountains.
Let me just back-track for one minute before I get started—God used to be my main man, my best friend, my counselor. Time went on, I made choices, and distance grew between us. This was the point I started to lose my bold determination and I shrunk back in fear. God isn’t kidding when he says the devil prowls around like a lion seeking to devour. Sometimes I feel like that “lion” has ahold of my legs and God has ahold of my arms and they are playing tug of war. Thank goodness God says he will never let go of us or I’d be lunch.
For some reason though, in this tug of war, I just kind of stopped fighting. I just sat back hoping that God would pull me free or the devil would just let go. Instead of fighting my way out of the Devil’s jaws, I’ve just sat around limp and lifeless; no hope, no joy, no courage left. The thought of fighting crossed my mind and I’ve even half-heartedly tried a few times, but then the Enemy would clamp down tighter and the pain I felt would just make me angry with Jesus. Why didn’t he just pull me to safety and make it end?!
Then I heard this quote on a Christian radio station: “Nothing changes, if nothing changes.” Mic drop. WOW. For years now I’ve been telling God that I miss him and I want our relationship back. I want my life back; the life I had where I was confident and faithful and able to do anything I set my mind to. I wanted to be responsible again and brave again. I wanted my self-control and motivation back. Everything that made me successful thus far in life, I wanted it back. Because my current situation looks like this: An anxious mom trying to keep her head above the water and unable to even cook dinner each day because she is so overwhelmed.
But, now I get it—NOTHING CHANGES, IF NOTHING CHANGES! So here’s to change. Here’s to believing that Scripture is 100% accurate and that I can do all things through Christ (Philippians 4:13). Here’s to accepting this hard truth—“A sluggard’s appetite is never filled, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied” (Proverbs 13:4). God says that no weapon formed against me will prosper, not even the Devil’s lion-like teeth (Isaiah 54:17) and that those who seek Him diligently will find Him (Proverbs 8:17). So here’s to finding Him again.
I am starting tonight, right now. I’m choosing to change. I am choosing to seek God and fight against the attack of the Enemy. Every day I tell my husband that I’ll “start tomorrow.” But tomorrow comes and of course I say “I guess I’ll start TOMORROW.” Well, what if tomorrow never comes? It will be too late. No, now, I’m starting NOW.
I will not go drown my fear of failure in what would be my third bowl of ice cream today. I will not go scroll through Facebook till I forget why I was anxious. I will not go make a million excuses to my husband about why I’m not able to make changes. Instead, I will pray. Because nothing will change if I change nothing.